27 January 2008

The Crapworks

There used to be a waxworks in Kings Cross. It was called, brilliantly, the Kings Cross Waxworks. It closed in the late 1980s because it was kinda sad and boring.

Here, for instance, is the "Shark Attack!" exhibit. Note the rather casual pose of the now-footless bather, and the stick holding up the surface of the "sea". Terrifying.

My friends Jeffrey and Amy and I hatched a plan over cocktails to open a new waxworks and call it the Kings Cross Crapworks. Everything about it would be appalling, with all the waxworks bearing little or no resemblance to what they're supposed to be. Admission would be hideously expensive and there would be a vast emporium of souvenirs on the way out with things like T-shirts emblazoned with "That Was Crap!"

Our tourist trap can now get off to a rollicking start with some of the awful things being auctioned from Louis Tussaud’s House of Wax in Great Yarmouth, England. The owner is auctioning the heads because, he says, "some of them are too old and they do not resemble their subjects any more." Sounds absolutely perfect for our Crapworks!

Here are some examples of what's up for grabs. Nothing over £80!

Richard Burton

Adam Ant

His Royal Highness The Prince Of Wales

Diana, Princess of Wales, described by its current owner as "the prize of the collection".

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