A (former) pop star's cry for help – and, no, it's not Britney

Marilyn, who had a hit in 1983 with "Calling Your Name", wants a computer. The 45-year-old former Blitz Kid is willing to give you "personal items" at lunch "or preferably dinner" in return for the required £850. There's more: promises of an official web site and more music. Oh, hooray. And presumably more posts like this one. Here is an edited version of his sales pitch which you can read in full, if you really must, or can, on his myspace page.

Need Your Help
Hi guys...it's yar old mate Mazda here again!! I'm sorry about the delay in doing this post (i've had an infection that just wont seem to die (it seems like it's more intent on killing ME!)

Listen guys...i've got somethin really hard to ask any/all of you...but sod it...i'm going to just 'lay my cards on the table' as they say, with a request (and BEFORE any 'clever' kunt starts makin unwanted comments...at LEAST i'm bein honest...an of that's a 'crime', then fukkin JAIL me, fuk features!!)!! Anyway, the 'deal' is...i really desperately NEED to get a computer, which i've never owned before...so that i can communicate with all business related issues/people and also get my official web site sorted out...and, well...a MILLION other reasons that i really MUST drag myself into this technological age, before it (and i!) am too late!!

The way i'd personally prefer to have it all 'pan-out' is for one/two or three people to actually donate all (or the vast majority!) of the £850 i need...for which i would personally 'put together' a 'care package/s', with personal items of mine, which i would then deliver to the individual/s at a lunch (or preferably dinner!)...though it WOULD have to be in London!!

I KNOW this probably looks really tacky and sad, me actually asking for help...but the truth is, time IS fukkin marching on, and i really DO have a load of absolutely BRILLIANT new tracks that i wanna record and release, so that the Marilyn 'story' isn't left as it presently stands,with just a few lame examples of (what i think and believe!) a talent that's barely been deployed!! I mean...it's all very well and good, being known for sellin a shit load of recordings...but that was fukkin DECADES ago...and being known as Boy Blobs bessie mate (ugh!! Jesus HELP me!) but i know there's a HELL of a lot more to me than all that and than what the present (mis!)conceptions are!! my gorgeous mother always says: "If you don't ask...you don't get!"...so here i am...ASKING!! Please help me, if you are in any way able to...i really DO need to get that Macbook, so i can do all the things that i am currently unable to do!! I mean, take THIS forum for example!! I have to walk MILES to get to this web/video shop to be able to write this for you guys...it's really just not a good way of trying to do anything seriously...

Oh well...i'd better get this finished now, as this is the fukkin SEVENTH TIME i've written this post, but my money keeps running out and fukkin WIPING everything i've written (and it ALWAYS happens when i'm almost finished too!) See...there's a PERFECT example of one of the reasons why i have just GOT to get the computer situation sorted out...!!

Well...i'm off now but keep sending in all your thoughts and comments, i DO get to read them all...eventually!! All my love (as ever!) Maz,X.