Goodbye to all that

The "Dick Cheney Lie Count" from last night's Letterman.

In related news, I got a press release today from the Lyndon LaRouche Political Action Committee – I have no idea why I'm on this list – saying that in the final week of Bushdom, Cheney will push Israel into a multi-front offensive with Lebanon and Syria that will give him the excuse to start a war with Iran that Obama will be forced to deal with.

When Clinton left the White House in 2000, the staff just pulled the "W" keys off all the keyboards.

You guys are no fun

Some random Taliban prohibitions:

• anything made from human hair
• equipment that produces the joy of music
• pool tables
• lobster
• nail polish
• sewing catalogues
• pictures
• chess
• masks
  

Just Druitt

When news happens in the outer Sydney suburb of Mount Druitt, it’s never going to be a good thing. Here are the recent headlines from ABC News tagged “Mount Druitt”.

Man flips car during high-speed chase

Man charged over Sydney rape spree

Young crims face curfews in Australian first

Sydney serial sex attacker 'will strike again'

Sydney sex attacks feared linked

P-plater 'doing 110 in a 60km zone'

Teens charged over bus assault

26yo charged over weapons, cash haul

Teen 'holds up store with cleaver'

Police chase ends in front yard

NSW men arrested over boarding house murder

Security 'exceeded authority' in schizophrenic's death

Man jailed over teen boy's rape

Police seek help in finding missing teen, baby

Man targets phone towers during tank rampage

Driver impaled in car crash

Police probe school leavers' fatal crash

Teenage girl bailed on sexual assault charges

Unfamous last words

The Texas Department of Criminal Justice has a website dedicated to its executions, including a database of final statements. Here are some highlights.

Leon Dorsey, executed 12 August 2008
“See you when you get there. Do what you’re gonna do.”

Patrick Bryan Knight, executed 26 June 2007
“I am not Patrick Bryan Knight, and ya'll can't stop this execution now. Melyssa, take care of that little monster for me.”

James Clark, executed 11 April 2007
“Uh, I don't know, um, I don't know what to say. I didn't know anybody was there. Howdy.”

Shannon Charles Thomas, executed 16 November 2005
“Man, I am nervous. Sometimes you don't know what to say.”

Douglas Roberts, executed 20 April 2005
“I've been hanging around this popsicle stand way too long. When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.”

William Chappell, executed 20 November 2002
“Jane, you know damn well I did not molest that kid of yours. I really don't know what else to tell you.”

Monty Delk, executed 28 February 2002
“Get your Warden off this gurney and shut up. I am from the island of Barbados. I am the Warden of this unit. People are seeing you do this.”

Brian Roberson, executed 9 August 2000
"Y'all can kiss my black ass."

警警 and 察察

Meet Jingjing and Chacha, the adorable mascots of the Internet Surveillance Division of the Public Security Bureau of the People’s Republic of China. In other words, the internet police.

The bureau employs more than 30,000 people to monitor the internet, ensuring that anything to do with the Falun Gong, police brutality, the 1989 protests in Tiananmen Square, freedom of speech, democracy, unregulated social or political commentary, Taiwanese independence, the Dalai Lama and the International Tibet Independence movement never appears on Chinese computer screens.

Its director says, “We published the image of internet police in the form of a cartoon to let all internet users know that the Internet is not a place beyond of law and that the internet police will maintain order in all online behavior."

Module behaviour

Which Sydney model has the stage-mother from hell? The chatter at brunch today was electric with tales of the pushy mom who’s riding roughshod over everyone in her daughter’s path towards – well, what?

Already chewing her way through agents, the model daughter had literary ambitions and engaged a writer who cooked up a concept, wrote two chapters and came up with a perfect title. Mommie Dearest was thrilled – until she found a better deal and took the whole package (complete with international rights) elsewhere. The writer’s “contract” amounted to a pittance for signing away all her rights and the threat, direct from Mommie’s lips, that if she went for anything more “we will destroy you”. Charming.

Like all great stage-mothers, Mommie is the über-agent for her charge, managing an ever-changing team of specialists in modelling, publishing, merchandising, film and PR. One of the agents, discarded for “not getting her face on TV enough” despite another agent’s instructions to “protect her from TV”, tells tales of hysterical midnight calls and threats of legal action.

One agent, still working for the model but cognizant of her own reputation, takes potential clients aside to warn them about the mother in advance.

The consensus has it that the module herself is undoubtedly pretty, but that there’s not much more than sweetly perfumed air circulating between her ears. She is also socially retarded; incapable of being engaged rather than looked at admiringly, she just stands there blankly while you talk. 

Photographers report working overtime to coax genuine-looking emotions from her and that even her natural smile looks rehearsed. One tells a story about asking her to smile, only to have her look at her mother, who demonstrated and had her expression exactly reproduced on her daughter's face.

Could the rumour be true? Mommie's suffocating presence serves the practical purpose of protecting the family secret: her gorgeous daughter, who's raking in the cash, has Asperger syndrome.

Piss off a pilgrim

Two student activists took the New South Wales Government to court today to challenge the special World Youth Day laws that allowed police to detain people or fine them $5,500 for “annoying or inconveniencing” Catholic pilgrims (first discussed in this post) – and won.

They argued that the laws, which were never discussed or debated in Parliament, were unconstitutional because they would make peaceful protest illegal.

The Full Bench of the Federal Court ruled the definition of "annoyance" was too broad and the scope of the laws was uncertain.

The students now intend to stage protests about abortion, homosexuality, contraception . . . you know the drill.

Frankly, while I admire their moxie, I don’t know how much they’ll achieve in the face of 150,000 relentlessly cheerful people who will not stop singing. Ever. They were singing clap-happy songs about Jesus on the train today – during peak hour. It was, I can assure you, extremely annoying.

Black-collar crime

The Pope's in town and says he'll apologise for all the pedophile priests. Sorry about all the kiddy-fiddling! Happy World Youth Day, everyone!

Broken Rites is a group that helps victims of church-related sex abuse to obtain justice. Since 1993 they’ve documented thousands of cases, in particular involving the Catholic Church. Here is their list of the 107 Catholic priests and religious brothers who have been sentenced in Australian courts in recent years. The group says it’s the tip of the iceberg.

Of course, it's an international problem. The New York Archdiocese produced a comic book, "Being Friends, Being Safe, Being Catholic". On this page, an angel warns a child putting on an altar boy's cassock not to be alone with an adult while a sinister-looking priest waves from the doorway.

Fashion police - for reals

New regulations came into force today for World Youth Day – a Catholic event in Sydney featuring special guest star, the Pope. (What, have they run out of kids to molest overseas?)

It’s not a “day”, either: it’s five. The new laws are in effect for all of July, even though the event itself is in the middle of the month.

There’s one that says you can’t do anything that "causes annoyance or inconvenience to participants in a World Youth Day event", including handing out condoms or wearing anti-Christian T-shirts. I guess this one’s staying in the wardrobe.

“How may I torture you today?”

When is torture not torture? When it’s American, of course.

Only the masters of doublespeak could come up with the term “Enhanced Interrogation Techniques” to cover waterboarding, standing shackled to a bolt for 40 hours, withholding pain medication for bullet wounds or being kept in a freezing cell and regularly doused in cold water.

Not illegal enough for you? Try the “acts of cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment” the US likes to use at Guantanamo Bay: 20-hour-a-day questioning for 48 out of 54 days, blasting prisoners with strobe lights and ear-splitting rock music, menacing them with snarling dogs, threatening to hurt their mothers, and humiliations such as stripping them naked in front of women, or holding them down while a female interrogator straddles them and whispers that their comrades have been killed.

President Bush will veto any attempt to outlaw the practices, effectively sanctioning American torture. Mark up another one for George Jr's legacy.

Drinking and dialling and dialling and dialling

There's a committal hearing underway in Sydney against a football player. Another one – yawnzies. Anyway, one piece of evidence caught my eye.

The woman said she had been drinking heavily and dancing with friends at clubs in Kings Cross the night earlier, and she had no recollection of how she came to be in the [football player's] apartment.

The court also heard the woman made 21 calls on her mobile phone, and caught several cabs, during the hours she said she could not remember.

She made 21 calls she doesn't remember making? I'm glad she doesn't have my number.

禁止吸烟！

Beijing's trying to turn smoke-free for the Olympics in 200 days, but it's not going very well.

Authorities wrote to 30,000 restaurants asking them to put a ban in place, and only one took up the suggestion – and it's going out of business.

The Meizhou Dongpo chain of Sichuan restaurants trained its floor staff to discourage people from lighting up only to have them locked out of private dining rooms while customers had a quick ciggy.

Diners are abandoning the restaurants in droves. Numbers have dropped to "about 80 percent of that enjoyed by other restaurants across the street" said Guo Xiaodong, deputy director of the chain.

"We figure that if we're going to die, at least we're going to die honourably," he said.

Smoking in hospitals and schools was banned in October 2007.

The kids today

[I started writing this post on Saturday night when the ABC began reporting on the police helicopter's presence, with only a gut feeling that it would be a good media moment. I had no idea that it would become massive just 24 hours later.]

Corey Worthington’s parents went on holiday to Queensland. They left the 16-year-old at home in the outer Melbourne suburb of Narre Warren, telling him not to have any parties while they were away.

Corey immediately put an open invitation to a party at his house on MySpace: "Oh yea party at Mine Saturday 12th Jan. BYO chicks and grog. No knives, rents will cracK it at me." 500 people turned up.

So did two police cars reinforced by a helicopter, two dog squad units, a critical incident response team, the youth-related crime taskforce Operation Sarazan, transit police and divisional van crews from surrounding suburbs, and, the next morning, every TV station and newspaper in the country.

Here is the ensemble he chose to speak to the media in. Note the virtual singlet, perfectly teamed with the pink, fairy-covered doona. The yellow-framed sunglasses and kooky take on the Yankees cap are sheer styling genius.

When asked how the party started he replied, "I don't remember ... I was just off my head."

Victorian Police Commissioner Christine Nixon held a press conference to say she is considering billing him $20,000 to pay for police costs.

Corey said he had hoped his parents would not find out what had happened.

Good luck with that, Corey.

Update: The parents are back and, of course, straight onto the telly.

"We're absolutely disgusted that he could do this, not only to us but to our neighbourhood," his mother Jo said. "Obviously Corey's gone behind our backs and decided somewhere along the line to throw a party." Yes, Jo, obviously.

"He won't speak to us and you can understand why, because I think he knows what's coming," his stepfather Stephen Delaney said.

And what is coming, I wonder? I have a strange feeling that's it's going to be a TV contract and that he'll be hosting something besides parties very soon.

Another update (yes, I’m officially obsessed): It was 43°C (110°F) in Melbourne yesterday. Corey put on his fur-trimmed hoodie and fronted up for an interview with A Current Affair’s Leila McKinnon.

You can watch the whole brilliant performance here.

Leila McKinnon: Why don't you make a grown up decision and take responsibility and take off your glasses and apologise to the community, the police … take off your glasses and apologise to us!
Corey: I'll say sorry but I'm not gonna take off my glasses.
Leila McKinnon: Why not?
Corey: Coz they're famous.
Leila McKinnon: Because your glasses are famous?
Corey: Yeah.
Leila McKinnon: Why are your glasses famous?
Corey: I don't know. Everyone likes them so I'm not taking them off.
Leila McKinnon: You are pretty happy with the way you look and the attitude you've got are you?
Corey: Yeah, my parents aren't but I am.
Leila McKinnon: OK, Corey, we've gotta wrap this up but what would you say to other kids who are thinking of partying when their parents are out of town?
Corey: Get me to do it for you.
Leila McKinnon: Get you to do it for you? Not ‘don't do it’?
Corey: Nah. Get me to do it for you. Best party ever so far. That's what everyone's been saying.
Leila McKinnon: We've gotta go but I suggest you go away and take a good long hard look at yourself.
Corey: I have. Everyone has. They love it.



A kinder, gentler Chinese execution

Lethal injections will become the preferred death penalty in China as shootings are phased out. The reason? It's more humane, says a Chinese government official. Welcome Lucky Olympic Year 2008!

It's also a lot more efficient. Executions by lethal injection are carried out immediately once the order has been made, including in mobile "death buses".

The procedure for shootings is much more elaborate and labour-intensive. The public has to be kept away from a shooting site with three separate perimeters: at 50m by the execution team, at 200m by the armed police and at 2km by the local police.

It's a lot of business for a hollow bullet to the back of the head. Families of the condemned were routinely charged 50 yuan (about $8) as a "bullet fee".

The fleets of death buses also allow for faster organ harvesting, as transplants are in high demand.

Besides murder, rape, robbery and drug offences, the death penalty is ordered for tax fraud, corruption, embezzlement and killing a panda.

2008: the year, so far, in violent crime

What the hell is going on? The year is only two days old and it has already been unbelievably violent. All this happened in Australia in the past 48 hours. So much for goodwill to all men.

New South Wales
• Police say a tomahawk was used to hack a 61-year-old man to death at Schofields in Sydney's north-west.
• A 38-year-old man was found dead from head injuries in an apartment at Forster on the mid-north coast.
• A 22-year-old man Campbelltown man ran over his 18-year-old girlfriend, killing her.
• Police shot a 33-year-old man at Tatura in the Goulburn Valley when he rushed at them with a knife after a woman called asking for help.
• A 51-year-old man waiting for a train at Bankstown Railway Station was repeatedly punched to the ground by a man while a woman stood by to take his cash and mobile phone.
• A 34-year-old Wollongong man has been charged over a home invasion on the South Coast. Police say he took the 23-year-old man from the home to an ATM machine and demanded money, then stole his car.
• A 45-year-old man has been charged with sexual assault and four counts of raping a 16-year-old girl in Fairfield.
• An 18-year-old man was taken to hospital with stab wounds after a brawl on George Street in the city. A 20-year-old and a 19-year-old from inner Sydney suburbs were charged.

Queensland
• A 39-year-old man was charged with the rape and murder of his 10-year-old girl daughter at Bribie Island north of Brisbane.
• A 19-year-old woman died after being stabbed in the chest by a 30-year-old man in Bowen.
• A man was stabbed during an argument at the Mackay Base Hospital.
• A 21-year-old man is in a serious condition in hospital after being stabbed in a carpark in Biggera Waters on the Gold Coast.
• Another person is in hospital after being slashed from neck to chest at Nobbys Beach.
• Two men raped a woman at knifepoint at Marsden, South of Brisbane.
• In Townsville a 23-year-old man threatened residents with a sword in Railway Estate.
• A 45-year-old man was charged with torturing a 17-year-old man at Ipswich, west of Brisbane. The man had been tied up by his wrists and bashed on the head and back with a metal bar.
• A 46-year-old man Kingaroy man was charge with 35 counts of rape and indecent treatment and assault of children.
• South of Brisbane, Logan detectives are investigating the rape of a 37-year-old woman at Marsden. The woman told police two men forced their way into her home and assaulted her in front of her child.

South Australia
• The murdered body of a 22-year-old woman was found in the middle of a sports oval in the West Parklands.
• A 43-year-old man from the northern suburbs was charged with seven counts of unlawful sexual intercourse and one count of gross indecency in regards to one female child.

Victoria
• Two men from Benalla will face court today over the serious assault of a man in the town at the weekend. The 33-year-old man was hit with a baseball bat at a car wash in Bridge Street.
• A 21-year-old man at Cowes on Phillip Island was walking along the Esplanade when another man offered him a lift home before driving to a car park in Church Street and raping him.

Northern Territory
• In Tennant Creek, a man attacked two elderly men and threatened one of them with a knife before stealing his ute.

Driving and dialling

While I was having lunch today at a café in Victoria St I was amazed by the number of people driving past with a phone clamped to their ear. It was more than half of all the drivers that went past, so I counted them for 15 minutes: 32.

Last year I was almost hit on a pedestrian crossing by a woman driving while on the phone. She screeched to a stop – on the crossing – and then carried on, one hand on the horn, the other on the phone, so not only was she behaving as if it was my fault, she was also driving with no hands.

It’s illegal to drive while using a mobile phone, and the penalty is a $225 fine and 3 demerit points, yet everyone does it. Why isn’t this law being enforced? All the research says driving while on the phone increases your chances of being involved in an accident fourfold. A single cop where I was today – a relatively quiet street – could have easily issued $28,800 worth of fines in an hour, so I don’t want to hear about costs.

Défense de fumer!

The French are giving up smoking in cafes, with new laws coming into effect on 1 January. Everywhere else in the world, the ban has been on public health grounds. Only in France could it become a matter of philosophy.

Take Veronique Moran, 51, a regular at Le Cyrano on the Place de Clichy.

"Smokers are more passionate," she says. "We're more sensitive, we think about things and talk about things deeply, we get carried away, we rebel against things. The ban on smoking in cafés is the end of a type of person."

The owner of Le Panier, Olivier Colombe, puts it more bluntly. "All my customers smoke, all my employees smoke. What are we going to do?"

Suck it, Olivier.