Thr3e: a review, of sorts

It looked like a typical serial killer thriller. Thr3e instead of Se7en. It even started like one: a rapid-fire scene of a police psychologist running through the streets, on the phone to a spooky voice, until she discovered her brother, in a car, bound up in gaffer tape, wired to a bomb. After that, however, there was something a little, well, off about Thr3e.

First of all, where was it shot? Somewhere dreary, obviously. Vancouver could never look this dull. No, it was Warsaw, with endlessly recycled phone booths, mail boxes, hot dog carts and yellow taxis to give it that “New York” look.

I won’t go into the plot holes, which were big enough to drive a truck into. But let’s talk about how every moment of tension ended in an explosion. The brother in the VW. The protagonist’s own car. A dog in its kennel. A TV in a fridge (don’t ask). A warehouse. A bus. Actually, despite the bus blowing up with an explosion so huge it flattened everyone in the street around it, it appeared to sustain no actual damage. That’s because the explosion was CGI and they just sprayed it with soot after that point. Che-eap.

After an hour, the serial killer hadn’t killed anyone, the “twist” ending was as obvious as the acting was hammy and a priest had shown up for no apparent reason to gasbag about good and evil. What was going on? It drove me to the internet.
Thr3e, it turns out, is a film from Fox Faith, 20th Century Fox’s arm that produces Christian-themed or Christian-friendly films. Yes, Rupert Murdoch is in on god-bothering entertainment.

It was in the Horror section with good reason. It was horrible. Do not see this film. You’re very welcome.