Loveable losers: Sydney’s “double A list” are just LA’s leftovers

You can tell how quiet Sydney becomes in winter when the local gossip hacks are forced to lead with claptrap about nobodies.

Witness, for instance, Ros Reine’s column in today's Sunday Telegraph. It leads with the utterly banal story of a former prime minister’s daughter having a go on the turntables at a Kings Cross hole-in-the-back-lane bar where nobody dances. Yawnsies!

In order to justify the relevance of this nonsense in some way, Sydney's self-proclaimed “hottest gossip columnist” (we’ll be the judge of that, thanks) bangs on about the club’s supposed "double A list" exclusivity – neglecting to mention that it's the home of the $10 beer – before giving the game away with this hilariously pretentious sentence:

[I]t has attracted quite a roll call of international celebrities, including rapper Eve, the Kardashian sisters and Lance Bass.

Let’s examine that little laundry list of supposed fabulousness, shall we?

Eve was busted for DUI last year after slamming her Maserati into the divider on Hollywood Boulevard, pleaded no contest to drink driving and ordered into an ankle bracelet and AA, so it's no wonder she has to do her drinking in back lanes.

In their native land, the Kardashian sisters are considered pointless famewhores whose main claim to fame is that one of them had her home-made porno stolen. Go Fug Yourself nails them: "no demonstrable talents aside from walking around and having boobs."

As for poor Lance "I'm gay" Bass, wasn’t he in a late-90s boy band with Justin Timberlake before failing to find anyone to pay for his trip to the International Space Station?

Not exactly a stellar lot, are they? It's a sad indictment on how desperate the hacks are – or how out of touch with reality – that they try to present leftovers as haute cuisine.

It brought to mind a phone call I received last week from an anxious-sounding PR who told me breathlessly that the products she was pushing were used by "international A-list red-carpet Hollywood celebrities." In other words, actors – people who pretend to be other people for a living.